dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this beer tastes like vomit already
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
