my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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