GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
