I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
