this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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