u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize