was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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