Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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