Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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