I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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