I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
