Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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