I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize