If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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