You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
