Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
