i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
