i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Slut skills are useful in every country.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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