my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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