best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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