Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
