Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
