Welp...herpes.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
