Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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