If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
