dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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