You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
