I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I checked into jail on foursquare
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
