508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
