I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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