Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
