But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Sober January is a disaster.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize