Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
