I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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