duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
