The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize