Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
