Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
