defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
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