I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
