$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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