do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Ladies don't puke and tell
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
