you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We need to get me chipped asap
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
