just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
