Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
