so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
