There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
