Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
