Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
