I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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