either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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