How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
