If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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