i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
