bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
