so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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