Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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