And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
