Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
