The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
