And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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