I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
