No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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