I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
