I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
