So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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