my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
