he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
